Legacy

I've been thinking a lot about death. Not in a bad way. I’m building a memorial website for someone who passed last year.I've been studying her life and looking at pictures of her and her family.

It’s got me thinking. One of the things I've been thinking about is leaving a legacy. It’s odd that whenever people think of leaving a legacy, they think trust funds and houses. That leaves those of us who don’t have much to leave behind feeling concerned. We wonder what it is that we will leave behind for our loved ones, other than bills.

Tonight, I took my children to the library. We go often because my youngest child has to read a book a night for his homework. I love taking them to the library and helping them pick out books. It’s fun to watch them select books and see how those books fit their personalities. I often talk with them and ask them why a certain book piqued their interest. It’s major mommy time.

I noticed was that they act and think much like I did at their age. They select book much the way I did. My middle son is really like me, a ferocious reader. He reads fast and likes to read lots of different subjects. I don’t have to pull teeth to get them to select books. As a matter of fact, I have to limit the number they can check out. They see the library the way I do, a place filled with knowledge and wonder.

By the time we left, it was already after dark. As I drove, I noticed books started popping up in my rear view mirror. My sons were trying to read from streetlights and the headlights of the cars behind us. That’s exactly what I used to do. I would stay up at night and sit in my bedroom window to read by the streetlight behind my house. My daughter wasn't reading at all because, like me, she gets car sick really easy. But she jumped in her first book as soon as we arrived home.

As I watched them, I realized I have something to leave as a legacy: a love of books. I know once book love is instilled in a child, it never goes away. Each time I take them to the library, I’m leaving a legacy. Every time I discuss a book with them, I add another brick to my legacy. I would love to leave them money, but I think teaching them to love books is one of the most valuable legacy I can leave them.

So Close...

I'm torn. I find myself at this point stuck between the life of my dreams and the reality of my life.

For the last year I have found myself moving steadly closer to the dream. You know, that thing that when you are asked, "What's one thing you want to do in life?" you already have an answer. The thing I dreamed about went from being some obscure fantasy to a possible reality to a plan.

And just when I set the plan in motion, a 13 car pile up! By the time I sort through the wreckage, count up the bodies, reconstruct the accident scene and tow all the cars, I'll be too old or too tired to be hopeful anymore. I was so close.

I feel like I'm standing on the highway with my dreams heading south and I have no way to catch them. I feel a little like Moses. I saw the promised land, but maybe my foolishness or impatince or disobedience is going to keep me from living in it.

So if you see me sitting on the side of the road, crying, just know my dream has gotten away from me again and I can't figure out how to catch up. Who knows? You may be sitting right with me on the highway. Maybe we can talk about our dreams. Maybe we can will them back together.