This Is Who I Am

On Monday, I hosted a post on my upcoming dive into NaNoWriMo. In it, I talked about how I've learned what kind of writer I am by doing this challenge almost every year since 2011. But as I thought about that post, I realized that I've also learned what kind of person I am. And it only took forty years! My musing about my life began with something very simple: I bought a small whiteboard for my refrigerator to keep track of my work schedule.

That whiteboard reveals a couple of truths about me. First and foremost, I don't have the greatest memory. As a matter of fact, my husband started managing my work schedule after I repeatedly went to work at the wrong time, sometimes late and once, a full hour early. So I started texting my work schedule to him and he posted where we both could see it on a notepad on the fridge.

Second truth the board reveals is I am an out of sight, out of mind kinda girl. If I don't have a very visual reminder, I will forget. I actually have a bigger whiteboard in another part of the house to remind me of all my writing and graphic design projects. That way I can see everything I need to do with a glance. Third truth is that I am a visual person. I need to see things and they stick in my mind better when I do.

These are truths that I know about myself. I've known them for years. The difference between now and then is that I have finally accepted them.

I used to hate that I needed all these reminders. I used to hate feeling like I was disorganized (and honestly, I am. My husband calls my life organized chaos). I had an idea of the person I wanted to be in my head and I never quite measured up. I would often say in my head, If I could just be more whatever like whoever. Sadly, the things I wanted to change about myself weren't bad or sin, they just were. Of course, I didn't see it that way. I couldn't accept that I'm a slightly disorganized person unless I strictly manage my time.

 But now, I recognize that this is who I am and instead of fighting against it, I need to learn to work with the person I am. With that acceptance, I've found that I far more organized that I've ever been and I have a lot less self-loathing. This who God created me to be and if I could have changed it, I would have before now.

This is who I am. I've accepted that and now I can move on.

Ready, Set, NaNo!

This year will be the fifth year I’ve dived into the exciting waters of NaNoWriMo. I’ve won three of them, surpassing fifty thousand words. I quite excited about this year because I’m the most ready that I’ve ever been for NaNoWriMo. I have a good bit of my novel plotted, enough to get me started. I have great confidence that I’ll cross the finished line with an almost complete novel.

I never imagined that I would grow to love this challenge. The task seemed so daunting the first year I participating. Fifty thousand words seemed impossible, but I did it and I was hooked. Once I got past my initial fear of writing so many words in 30 days, I realized that NaNoWriMo has been a great way to develop as a writer.

I am not the same writer as I was in 2007. I shudder to think of how bad my writing must have been back then. NaNoWriMo has helped me improve my craft. When you write fifty thousand bad words, it’s easy to recognize when something is good. More valuable than improving my craft, I’ve figured out what kind of novelist I am. That alone is work all the effort.

As I NaNo’ed, I figured out my process. I figured out that I can’t work with a detailed outline of my novel ahead of time. I figured out that I must discover the plot as I write. That was a major revelation. I need to know my characters and their background, but during NaNoWriMo, I need to let them lose on the page and let them do what they do naturally.

Yes, I admit that this is not the ideal way for writers who want to move to a place of getting publishing contracts by synopsis only. I, however, cannot change my process. Heaven knows I tried. But each year, I find that I only need a general idea of the story before I get started. Having it all mapped out doesn’t work for me. I need to be engaged in the story just as my reader is, discovering the twists and turns as I go.

I think that’s the most valuable prize I will ever get from NaNoWriMo. Now that I know how I write, I can write all year round, discovering my stories as I go. 

Camp NaNoWriMo Begins...

I’ve have neglected my blog but I’m back.

Camp NaNoWriMo began yesterday. I so excited about this new program from NaNoWriMo. I normally do NaNoWriMo in November, so this gives me another shot to write like crazy.

Camp NaNo is very much like the official event in November, except for a few changes. For Camp NaNo, you can set your own word count. You also get assigned to cabins with other writers that you can instant message during the month. My favorite difference is that you can be a “rebel,” and write whatever you want, including things you already started.

This month I’ll be writing the sequel to my first self-published novel. I’ve been plotting the story for some time, so I’m expecting it to flow. I’m praying to get the rust off my brain and fingers. I’ve been neglecting my writing lately. Hopefully, Camp NaNo will help me get my mojo back.

It’s very interesting how the lost mojo (or writer’s block) effects me. I dread the blank page and avoid it like any other good writer. Then, when the block finally breaks, the rush of relief is almost like a high. Words flow and I’m a happy girl. Now if I could only remember that feeling when I have writer’s block.

So I’m off to the noveling...

Doing Something New

I love my pastor. I love him because he's caring, dedicated and passionate about building God's kingdom.  He is also a Holy Spirit inspired preacher...but he has this little habit of preaching and teaching very challenging sermons and Bible studies. Challenging in that they bring conviction and motivation to do better. I can't number the sermons and Bible studies he's preached that has sent me to prayer and repentance. That's a great thing because it causes me to mature. His teachings, however, has me squirming in my seat because God often speaks through them to issues that I have, shall I say, slow to acknowledge. And when I do acknowledge them, they often push me to an uncomfortable place of faith.

Perfect example: My pastor has been teaching a Bible study series on the Holy Spirit. Last Wednesday, the night before NaNoWriMo began, my pastor stated that if we have not done anything new, we are probably not letting the Holy Spirit work through us. He said that the Holy Spirit gives us power to go beyond our abilities. He also said if we are still relying on our own abilities, we are not relying on the Holy Spirit.

Ouch.

Right then and there I prayed and asked God if I had been relying on my own abilities and not the Holy Spirit and my writing popped into my mind. The writing that I hadn't been doing. The writing that I had been telling God I couldn't do. The writing that I wasn't relying on the help of the Holy Spirit to accomplish.

Double ouch.

So I asked the Holy Spirit to help me go beyond my abilities. His response? Write three books at one time. Talk about squirming. My first thought was, "I can't do that." And He replied, "No, you can't own your own." Now I was really in a tight spot. Was I going to write three books in one month with the help of the Holy Spirit, or keep relying on my own abilities.

So I would like to direct your attention to the word counters in the sidebar of this blog. They are for the THREE novels that I'm writing this month. My main focus is my NaNoWriMo manuscript, but I'm also actively writing the other two.

And guess what? The Holy Spirit is helping me. It's like a cash of words and plot lines got released from heaven into my brain and I'm loving it. It is uncomfortable, yes, but it's definitely something new.

NaNoWriMo 2012, I'm in!

Another November, another 50,000 words.

Okay, it's not as mundane as I make it sound. It's actually a big deal for me. I have done several NaNoWriMo's (2007, 2008, 2009, 2011) and I finished all but 2009 (not sure what happened there). I have had so much fun praticipating. It's definitely a great challenge for writers. And of course, I'm not ready.

You would think that this event took me by surprise by how unprepared I am. The one of rules of NaNoWriMo is that I can't have any previous words written in the novel. That means none of my WIPs, and I have many, qualify. Which means I have to come up with a whole new idea to write.

I originally told my husband that I was going to write a dragon story that I've had floating in my head for a month, but realized the time might be better used writing another installation in my reality TV series. Brilliant, right? Unfortunately, I will be starting tomorrow with nothing more than two incomplete character sketches and a very thin idea of the main plot line. Not enough for my comfort.

But I realized something. NaNoWriMo is all about the fun. It's all about ditching the inner editor who loves to have character sketches, outlines and plot all laid out. It's about writing with abandon and discovering the story as you go. That's what I've done in past years and that's what I plan to do this year.

So root me on, friends. Check the counter to the right to see how I'm doing. To those who see me every week: if you see me walking around muttering to myself, I'm probably working out my story in my head.

Let the adventure begin!

Editing and Cleaning

A friend once asked me which part of the writing process I enjoyed more, writing or revising. I promptly replied, “writing.” At the time, I’d only written one semi-complete manuscript for NaNoWriMo. I was still riding the wave of adrenaline from pumping out 50,000 words in a month. My position was further cemented when I tried to edit that mess of 50,000 words that I’d written in true seat-of-the-pants style.

 

There is something intoxicating about the first draft. The words just seem to flow, and when you manage to turn off your internal editor, the process can be fun. That’s what I enjoyed about writing the first draft. So I wrote another manuscript, and another. I just wrote for the sake of pure enjoyment...my own enjoyment, not my readers. 

When I got serious about writing for publication, I made a startling revelation. I discovered that I liked editing more. I didn’t know I liked editing more because I hadn’t gotten that far in the process. I’d only been writing first drafts, but once I wanted to move my writing career beyond first drafts, I realized the beauty of editing.

Editing reminds me of cleaning, which I find very enjoyable and therapeutic. Editing is like bleaching down everything in the kitchen and moping with lavender-scented Pine-sol. Editing allows you to clean up weak spots, polish plotlines and sanitize some of the more harmful elements of a manuscript.

I guess I should have never answered my friend’s question before I’d experienced all sides of the writing process. Now that I have, I can proudly say, I enjoy the cleaning…I mean, editing more.