Thursday, November 29, 2012

Great Dates: Honesty and Balanced Intimacy

In my novel, Love Simplified, my main character, Tempest, runs a matchmaking service. Through this service, she believes that she eliminates one of the challenges of online dating: not seeing the real person you just agreed to date. I was inspired to include this in the novel by listening to horror stories about the deception in online dating. I'm not saying all online dating is deceptive. Besides, there is potential to be deceptive in all kinds of dating.

It's easy to miss the deception. Everyone who goes on a date wants to put his or her best face forward, but there is a thin line between putting on a "best" face and a "too good to be true" face. When you date, you have to resist the urge to put on a face that's not yours. It's best to let the real you show.

There is, however, a temptation not to show the real you. What if your date doesn't like what he or she see? Or what if you show too much? I think these are the two main reasons people pretend to be someone they're not while dating. It's important to find a balanced level of intimacy. Meaning, don't give your date ALL of you on the first date. Make sure they earn the privilege to know more about you. Once they've proven that they can be trusted with a little more of you, then share more. Show them the real you in small increments. 

The best thing about being honest and having a balanced approach to intimacy is that you can continue to use them through out your life and in all your relationships.

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