Great Dates: Companionship

Last post I discussed dating with marriage in mind and I made a statement that I think is worth expanding. This [when you date with marriage in mind] means dating solely for companionship shouldn’t be your main motivation for dating.

Here a thought-provoking question: How many people did you date because you were lonely? How did those relationships work out?

I admit that when I was single, I dated for solely for companionship. For most of those relationships, I knew they weren’t going anywhere from the beginning. Those relationships were just something to occupy my time but turned out to be the most emotionally damaging. I think that was because I was looking for companionship in the wrong places.

Companionship is something humans need. God created us to be relational. Consider His words concerning Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God made this statement after Adam named the animals but didn’t find an animal “like” him.

Although this passage proceeds Eve’s creation, I think there is an important underlying principal and it is companionship. Companionship at its most basic form is having someone present to walk and experience life with. Someone to grow with. I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give to others is to witness and validate their lives. When we agree to be someone’s companion, we are saying,  “Your life is important to me and has value in my eyes.”

But the truth is we can have companionship outside of dating and even beyond marriage. Every healthy relationship in our lives provides companionship, which is one of the reasons this series will cover more than just singles dating. Your family provides companionship. Your girlfriends (or guyfriends) provide companionship. Your sisters-in-Christ provide companionships and so do your coworkers.

All these people witness your life and validate its value. When you find companionship in all your relationships, you avoid trying to find one relationship (which most of the time is a dating relationship) to completely fulfill your companionship needs.

So before you, single Christian, start dating another person, ask yourself, “Am I relying on this dating relationship to fulfill my companionship needs?” Ask if there aren’t some other relationships, permanent relationships, that you have neglected but might be just the companionship you need. Married Christians, as yourself if you are relying too much on your spouse to meet all your companionship needs and explore building healthy relationships with other trustworthy Christians.

We need companionship, yes, but make sure you’re receiving and giving companionship in all your relationships. 

Great Dates: Dating Fall

What is more romantic than a fall day? I can't help imagining myself walking among the leaves with my honey, or my children for that matter, and enjoying the colors of fall.

Fall offers so many opportunities for great dates. Here are some suggestions:

• Fall Festivals. A great date for singles, married, families and girlfriends. Even if you live in an urban area like I do (DC Metro), you can still find a decent fall festival nearby. Most churches and schools host fall festivals every year. It's all a matter of how elaborate you want the date to be. If you want to add a sense of getaway to the date, Google for fall festivals within an hour driving distance. This would be a great road trip for you and the girls. 
• Farms, Apple Picking, Hayrides and Corn Mazes. Another great way to get a date in and enjoy the beauty of fall. Find your nearest local farm and have some fun. This is another opportunity for a road trip. Best of all, you can score some great fall produce. 
• Hiking, Biking and Strolling. Here a great idea for a more athletic date. Pack a backpack with some light snacks and both you and your date bring along digital cameras. Find your nearest, prettiest walking trail and spend the afternoon together. I suggest afternoon since most good walking trails are frequented by the workout crowd earlier. Not only will you get some great fall shots, you have a built in momentum of the day. 

What's your best idea for incorporating fall into your dates?

Great Dates: Dating with Marriage in Mind

Today I’m beginning a new series called Great Dates. The purpose of this series is to give advice and tips on dating. These tips are not just for singles, but also for married people. Married people need to date, too. I will also share ideas for how to plan Girl’s or Guy’s Night Out.

Since this series is all about dating, I thought it wise that we start by laying some foundations on dating. The dating discussed here is for Christians. So what makes Christian dating different from regular ol’ dating? Not much except dates adhere to Christian standards (so no hookin’ up after the date, unless it's your spouse and then you can hook up all you want) and, particularly for singles, dating with marriage in mind.

This definition may be a little different than what most Christians have been taught. I’ve heard definitions from the very strict (Christians shouldn’t date at all) to the very loose (date as much as you like). I think a middle ground approach is better, dating with marriage in mind.

When you date with marriage in mind, I believe it removes some of the reckless, irresponsible, and random dating that is so prevalent now. When you date with marriage in mind, it gives your dates purpose. You’re trying to get to know if this person is marriage material. That’s the purpose. This requires more analysis of the person you’re dating.

Now I don’t mean that you should start talking about marriage the first date. This is a sure-fire way to get rid of a date or attract a stalker. I mean approaching the date as something that will grow into a more permanent relationship not a fling. You’re looking for qualities that make a great spouse, not a one-night stand.

This means dating solely for companionship shouldn’t be your main motivation for dating. Yes, companionship will come, but using dating as way to cure temporary loneliness isn’t the goal. Marriage in mind dating focuses on moving toward a something that will last longer than a few months.  

What are your views on Christian singles and dating? Do you agree with dating with marriage in mind?